Being in limbo is difficult for me, I am a planner and I like to be prepared emotionally for what is coming; even if it is hard. Hence, I continually struggle to grow in trusting the Lord more.
He IS faithful and trustworthy- this my head knows- He has proven Himself time and time again. Yet, my heart has trust issues sometimes…wrestling with fear, doubt, self-pity, discouragement, frustration, etc.
The other day, one of my best friends described why I was probably struggling with this time of waiting (with our adoption and with some other changes too)…she said, “You are a planner (with big emotions) and you need a place to focus and put those emotions”…and with the waiting it is hard for me to know what to do with my BIG EMOTIONS. I feel caught between elation and dread.
There are three birthmoms that are due in the
coming months and will be choosing families soon. Of course we want God’s will for our family and these little ones; we are praying we will be chosen soon if that is what He has planned. The possibility of being chosen = sheer elation, but, dread threatens to occupy at the thought of not being chosen. Now, I know, I know that my joy and peace should not be dependent on circumstances; but this is how my BIG EMOTIONS are feeling as of late. I do trust that God will bring us our baby in His timing, and am learning that I feel a bit lost and unsure of how to feel/act in times of waiting. It is uncomfortable for me!
When I am asked to do hard things, I usually can rise to the occasion with strength…but, in these times of uncertainty I feel weak….like I am spinning my wheels and not really thriving. This needs to change. I think in counting the blessings, in thanking the Lord, in seeing the beauty of His grace all around- thus, finding contentment, then I will change- even if the circumstances don’t….but I hope they do. See this spinning cycle I am on?
Jeremiah 31:3-4 “The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. I will rebuild you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel. Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful.
Take a Deep Breath and reflect:
1. What are you currently waiting for?
2. How are you acting in the waiting?
Are you wavering in Your faith or standing
firm on His promises?
3. Is there anything you need to confess to Him or ask forgiveness for (from Him and/or others)?
Take a walk and count your blessings- the way He daily shows His beautiful love to you (even in the hard things in your life).
Serve someone else today, go do something simple to meet a need in someone’s life (It helps you feel better when you aren’t just thinking about yourself and your issues). Just be sure you are not running away from your responsibilities/problems by busying yourself elsewhere.
“We found grace in the wilderness.
We found shelter for our broken soul–
And healing amidst the pain,
As we step toward the goal.
He’s called us with an eternal love
His faithfulness surrounds
He rebuilds so that we can build
And praise Him; unbound.
We found joy after the weeping.
We found direction to our wanderings-
Filling to our emptiness,
A new song for us to sing.
He’s called us to a hope secure
As we journey on this path
He blesses with His presence here
He shepherds with love and staff.”
-11/27/11 based on Jeremiah 31