Sometimes the day after Mother’s Day is hard. Back to life, back to reality. Back to the stretching and shaping and giving and pouring out. And sometimes the back aches. And sometimes the heart does too…even amidst all the blessing, all the life.
It was a year ago. The day after Mother’s Day. She was getting ready to move out-of-state and wanted to have a visit with him, her son; our son. You see, our son has two mothers. One birthmother, one adoptive mother. Both real. Both full of love for him.
Our son has two mothers. One birthmother, one adoptive mother. Both real. Both full of love for him. #adoption #mothersday Share on XWe are blessed to have a fairly open adoption. One thing that has surprised me about adoption is the conflicting emotions I sometimes feel. Elation at the gift of our son, but sadness for his birthmom and him and what they have lost through adoption.
Gain and loss mixed so closely together.
I love our little Strong One.
As I held him today I couldn’t hold him close enough. You see, sometimes I feel like an imposter. I have seen her face, I have hugged her slight frame. And I know that there is another who birthed him, who gave him life, who misses him, who loves him.
Sometimes I feel guilty. All those prayers we prayed, all that longing to adopt, yet, it never really sunk in that the end to our waiting would be so difficult for another.
Some days I wish I could pretend that I am his only mom.
But that is not true. We both hold roles in his life that the other cannot fill. I did not carry him in the womb, but I carried him home in my arms. I did not birth him, but I will raise him. My skin does not match his, but my love for him is vibrant in color. I do not know all the details of his medical history, but I memorize the details of his face and mannerisms.
She and I, we both mother this one. She, so brave in the giving. Me, courageous in the receiving. Sometimes it is hard to share, but, He is helping us.
She and I, we both mother this one. She, so brave in the giving. Me, courageous in the receiving. #adoption #mothersday Share on X
On Mother’s Day, in particular, we honor our son’s birthmother. I send a message and we thank her for her role, her place in his life and in our lives.
My son has two mothers. This fact has grown me in surprising ways. It is our beautifully hard truth.
What is a beautifully hard truth in your life right now?
Take a moment to talk to God about how this reality affects you.
Ask the Lord to give you a verse to stand on, so that when the hard times come, you can remember His Words of hope.
Romans 12:12 “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”
You might also like:
Happy Father’s Day (to a Father I Do Not Know)
Adoption Journeys (Episode #20 of The Martha + Mary Show)
How “This Is Us” Give Words to My Feelings as an Adoptive Parent
I am in tears reading this – so transparent and real. I think I will read this many more times…and am just experiencing these feelings that you have expressed.
Love you, friend.
Oh Beth, thank you. I think it is a good, but hard, conversation to have with ourselves and with others. God seems to already be weaving this thoughts into your heart as He prepares you for what’s next.:)
Katie, this is beautifully transparent and real. Thank you for sharing your heart and your life with us. Your perspective on your adoption is an encouragement. My oldest brother is adopted, but he doesn’t know who his birth mom is. Hard truths change us, grow us, challenge us, and God uses them for His glory, as He’s using yours. Hugs to you this day after Mother’s Day.
Thank you Julie. Your comments and presence here are such an encouragement!:)
Cried and cried…beautifully written. He looks like you. I love you.
Thank you friend.:)
I just read your post on Huffington post (thanks to Kristen Taylor for posting it in a private FB group), and yes, YES. I know what you’re sharing here. Both our boys are adopted. Both grapple with the fact that they have two moms. Your words spoke deeply to my heart, brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing a piece of yourself here.
Hi Jeanne, you are most welcome. Love to you adoptive mama!