Dear God,
Thank you that you love us unconditionally. You love us when we have a fit and You love us whether or not we are fit or flabby. You care for our hearts and desire that we live with hearts that are open to Your truth, Your grace and Your love. Thank You for giving all of Yourself to save us. Thank You that You are not blind-sided by the hard stuff of life. Thank You that You are willing and able to meet us in our need and that You rejoice over us. Thank You for this day and for those who have gathered in this space. May You speak and move that we might be more like You and like You more too. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Jolene would love to connect with you in the journey to live with “faith-eyes.”
Connect on Twitter/Pinterest/Instagram: @faith_eyes
What’s so hard about closing down Minecraft and starting school anyway? He knows the rules. He broke them. Something inside of me immediately felt that ole’ urge creep up; to tell him so.
“This is ridiculous. Calm down. You know better. If this is the way you are going to act…” Those words wanted to come out, and they started to. Not good.
Anger immediately sparked but thankfully it never fully kindled. This time.
I waited in his room for a while. While his head was covered in pillows and his legs kicked, I prayed.
His little mouth spewed out words that were never meant, “I hate this house!” Admittedly, a few other not-so-choice words too. He hid and found places to wallow in bitterness.
I’ve been there. I began to think about all those times I’ve kicked and screamed. All those times I’ve wallowed in anger and bitterness.
The thing I wanted most was love. Perhaps the thing he wanted (needed) most wasn’t mama scolding, but unconditional love?
My foster children were there too, many times over. It was a daily occurrence to count rounds of hitting, cursing and breaking things. The thing they needed most was love & security.
But, who shows love to a raging maniac?
What do you do when your child is fighting against you?
It’s easy to see the act of disobedience. Our flesh responds to anger with anger. We might try reasoning. But really, have you ever tried reasoning with a child throwing a tantrum?
I chose to climb on the bed and wrap my arms tightly. I held him close. He fought me as I whispered into his ear, “You’re going to be OK. I love you.” A short time later he was still clenched tight, but calm. Later he was sorrowful and thankful.
To respond in love, when the inclination is to do just the opposite, requires the empowering of the Holy Spirit. It’s not natural. For many years I found it challenging to ever respond in love – in kindness.
I mean, let’s be honest, this isn’t always the response I would give. However, after watching so many children fight the pain in their hearts and act out in anger, things have changed. My parenting paradigm shifted.
My son kicked and screamed when his game was taken away. He wanted to do his own thing. I told him no.
My foster children kicked and screamed when they were torn away from everything they knew. They kicked and screamed when they didn’t like the answers they got. Their anger grew when they were told no.
I’ve fought pretty hard against the Lord at times. I’ve kicked and screamed when I couldn’t have what I wanted. I have cried out and pleaded for things to go my way. God said no.
Why not?! Why can’t I have it my way?
Yet, God’s kindness is there in the no. It is there in the kicking. He whispers his love and offers to hold us close. We are calmed.
We don’t always get what we want with Father God; we get what we need.
Our hearts are fickle places that fill up with things that don’t belong. We worship anything other than Him. We hold onto stuff. We hold onto wounds. We fight to have what we want because it gives us a false sense of comfort and security.
He says, “No. I want something different for you.”
He reminds us, “You’re going to be OK. I love you.”
His kindness in our kicking brings calming comfort.
Lord – your love is better than a “yes”. Indeed it is better than life. Thank you for holding me close, Father.
Amen.
With Love,
Jolene
Kathryn says
wow – I relate to this on so many levels. I know this as a mom with a child who has explosive tantrums. I know what it is to wait and hold tight and pray until it’s over. But your reminder of how we do the same to God is convicting. Yes, I’ve thrown these same tantrums with Him and he’s been patient, waited me out, held tight and prayed for me until it was over. What encouragement! Thankful I read this today.
Jolene Underwood says
Oh Kathryn – I’m glad you can relate to those explosive tantrums. Well, maybe glad is not the right word. My own have gotten explosive at times too. So thankful he is extremely patient with us!
Beth Stiff says
Jolene, this post is just beautiful. Loved this…”To respond in love, when the inclination is to do just the opposite, requires the empowering of the Holy Spirit.” I pray He reaches all our hearts and leads us to respond with love in all circumstances. It’s not always easy but it’s so worth it.
Love you. xoxo
Jolene Underwood says
Amen. Prayers with you Beth. Thank you friend.
Kasey Hanson says
This is so beautifully hard. I can’t be the mom or teacher God intends without Him. With Him, I can. Thank you for your encouragement and perspective.
Jolene Underwood says
Thank you for stopping by Kasey. With Him.
Sabra Penley says
What a beautiful message, Jolene! How many times have I too kicked and screamed. “Our hearts are fickle places that fill up with things that don’t belong.” So very true! I think I need to do some heart cleaning!
Jolene Underwood says
Thank you Sabra.
Meredith Bernard says
This right here says it all Jolene, “We don’t always get what we want with Father God; we get what we need.” I’ve been the kicking screaming child MORE than once (even recently)…and I’ve dealt with my own (very recently…like yesterday.) I needed these words of reminder today. Thank you for being so transparent. I love your heart and your words and I’ve missed you! Blessings on you this week…xoxo
Jolene Underwood says
Thank you for your kind words friend. 🙂 Yeah, I’ve been kicking fairly often lately. It’s painful, exhausting and renewing when his love comforts me.
Kristin Taylor says
Oh, I’ve been there — as a mom and as the person throwing the fit! Such good stuff here, Jolene, and some if it I needed to hear today. God’s good like that. Thanks for sharing.
Jolene Underwood says
Thank you Kristin.
Cheree says
Mmm yes. The Lord led me to sing “Amazing Grace” to my children during those kind of tantrums…to hold them close and just sing. Submitting to His voice is harder than I thought it would be…my inclination is to just ignore or force lectures in my frustration. I get this burning protesting sensation (like a mini tantrum) in my chest right before I finally choose to sing. And then as the words come out, “Amazing grace how sweet the sound,” we both settle in to feel it…the comfort of His love that like you said, “is better than a ‘yes'” Thank you sister. Next time I sing over my tantrum-ing children, I’ll remember you and your encouraging words here.
Jolene Underwood says
I love that you shared that Cheree! That song is powerfully calming and moving isn’t it? My husband used to play guitar and sing My Chains are Gone (variation of Amazing Grace) to the foster children and it had a powerful effect on them. Blessings!
tracey russell says
I was just writing about the fruit of the spirit and what it looks like in a mothers life. Thanks for this inspiration from the Lord today, Jolene-
Kindness responds to the the kicking and screaming of motherhood without the reaction of anger because of how God responds to us. love this!
Jolene Underwood says
I love how God weaves stories together. Thank you for sharing. Kindness is such a beautiful gift!
Ginger Harrington says
I love the way you bring us right into the midst of this moment with your child, give us a little parenting wisdom won from hard battles, and then zing with a spiritual application. Blessings.