“I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe” (Ephesians 1:18-19, NIV).
I hope you have been enjoying the #OpenHearts series! Today my friend Jennifer shares from a deep place in her heart, in hopes of helping set others free. Jen was also a part of the Psalms Series and one of my favorite posts of hers can be found here.
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Jennifer is a redeemed daughter of the LORD, wife to Michael, and mother to a incredibly talented six-year-old daughter and a hysterically funny three-year-old son. She shares her life one cup at a time on her blog Coffee With Jen. Her topics range from faith, home organization, and family-fun activities. You can also find her on the Women Living in Faith podcast where she and Gretchen Speer discuss topics of faith to encourage women in their walk with the LORD.
Truthfully, no amount of reading would prepare me for what was ahead. My doctor and counselor had decided months before my daughter’s arrival that, due to my history of depression and anxiety, I would start on anti-depressants before leaving the hospital.
It was ugly. I shifted from pushing her away and hiding under the pillow when she cried to holding her so close that I wouldn’t allow anyone else to take care of her. You know the idyllic photos of mothers holding their newborns? Yeah…that wasn’t me at all. I was so anxious all the time! I hovered constantly. I struggled to bond, but at the same time I would not allow others to care for her which left me exhausted.
I began to argue, but she was persistent. I tried to rest. As I laid on my bed struggling to relax, I had many crazy thoughts rush through my mind, but I did it.
That day I had a breakthrough. That one little session of my daughter being out of my arms showed me that it was okay to let someone else take care of her. It was a long road ahead. I never fully got over the postpartum depression before I got pregnant with my son. It wasn’t until he was two that I finally felt free. It was like coming out of a fog.
Five years I struggled with this illness.
Five years of strain on my marriage and extended family.
It was truly one of the hardest things I have ever walked through. But even still…God is good! He gave me support. He was faithful in providing support from my husband, my family, my church, my MOPS group, my doctors and my counselor. They gave me the strength to fight for joy!
He gave me a mission. He called me to blogging. With my most respected mom friends I embarked on my first blogging experience called Mosaic of Moms. It ended up being a three-year project in which we shared our parenting struggles and homemaking ideas. I wrote a five-piece series on PPD there. I received countless responses letting me know how encouraging those posts were.
“He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us” (2 Corinthians 1:4 MSG).
He gave back to me what I had lost.
This was the most precious and unexpected gift. Joel 2:25a says, “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten.” He did just that!Right after I came out of my five-year-fog, when I wasn’t even looking for a job, He gave me a job working with babies at my kids’ daycare. I was resistant at first, but I was able to open my heart and love those babies in a way I was not emotionally able to with my own. Through that little part-time job, He healed my momma-heart.
If you are struggling with PPD, please tell someone. Seek support. He will provide! You are welcome to send me your requests as I would be honored to stand with you in prayer.
With Hope,
Jennifer
P.S. Linking-up with Woman2Woman and Tell His Story today. Come join us and read some of my favorite bloggers’ hearts over here.
Oh Jen, what a touching story with a beautiful ending. You are so right. God allows us to use those parts of us that hurt the most to help others. Been there more than once. Love your heart and your honesty. You are such a blessing to me and so many. So glad our paths crossed! <3
Meredith,
I, too, am happy that our paths have crossed. You are a sweet friend! Maybe someday we will meet irl.
This is beautiful, Jen. Dripping with wisdom (like good coffee)!
Thank you so much for your kind comment, Shannon.
Oh my, Jennifer, our stories are so similar. I too struggled with PPD and a friend dropped by unexpectedly and told me to take a nap. Writing was also a light for me. It is so freeing to be able to get those thoughts out and work through those emotions. Thank you for being so transparent here. I know that God will work through you to help others.
Hi Abby- Passing along Jennifer’s response to you “Isn’t comforting to hear the same story of God’s faithfulness echoed in another’s story? Jennifer Dukes Lee posted a story like this last week too.”.:)
He is faithful!! Such a great story of hope and restoration.:)
Amen! He IS faithful!
So grateful for you sharing your heart with us today Jen.:)
Thank you for the invitation to share!
Jen — LOVE that verse, God is so good! And thank you for sharing your story and heart!
Jamie,
It is always so encouraging to share the victories we have through the LORD.
Jen- I’m crying with you and praising God right alongside you. This is a beautifully written testimony of how His grace is sufficient in our weakness and need. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing your gift here.
Thank you Karen. Praise to God is the perfect response! He is faithful! He who is faithful shall be praised. Blessings!
Jen, Thanks for sharing your heart. I’ve never had a child, so I’m not sure what my journey into motherhood will be like….but I have watched friends struggle with post-partum depression…and it’s good to hear that people who force their help on your (like your wonderfully wise church woman) were a good thing in your life. I’ll be looking for ways to help my friends.
Brittney,
You are a sweet lady! Mommas need friends like you in their lives.