My emotions are larger than life.
I feel deeply. I shout with joy on the mountain tops and wallow deeply in the valleys.
I have sympathy pains when I hear that others are hurt. My empathy is both a blessing and a burden as I try to be everything to everyone—and end up depleted and defeated.
I ride the waves of my feelings and let them lead me into unsafe waters.
Sometimes my emotions capsize me upon the shores of sin.
Throwing Stones
My husband and father-in-law were chopping wood at our house this past weekend. In the heat of the day they were sweating as the whir of the chainsaw filled the air.
Soon it was time to feed the hungry workers. As the cool air from the fridge poured out I realized I needed to get creative with lunch—there wasn’t a whole lot to work with. I whipped up a healthy salad and tried to beef it up with veggies and meat. I was feeling pretty good about what I produced with the options that I had on hand.
My hubby is a gracious man but, without saying much, I could tell that he was not happy about the salad—after working up an appetite with all that manual labor in the backyard.
I can see his point now, but I didn’t then. I felt like he was being ungrateful so, as he walked out of the room and down the hall, I threw a rock at our dresser in my anger.
My emotions rose up and demanded a physical response to the depth of aggravation that I was feeling.
I haven’t done this sort of thing for a long time. On one hand the release of throwing something made me feel better—for only a second. But, I was equally scared by the level of disdain that overtook me, over a bowl of spinach salad tossed with pepper-jack cheese, corn and pinto beans.
Rocky Road
My anger cooled as I sweated, on a run, under the noonday sun.
I love my husband dearly. He does so much to serve our family and care for us. Why did I react so strongly over something so small?
Photo Credit: Martha Reid
And then my mind flashed-back to a similar incident that took place a long time ago. There was quite possibly a rock thrown, as Cain rose up and killed his brother, Abel, because of his disdain. Abel had offered his best to the Lord, and Cain had presented some fruit of the ground (or some spinach salad, perhaps?). At the altar, or table of sacrifice, is where the anger started and it soon destroyed.
But it didn’t have to.
Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.” –Genesis 4:6-7, NASB
Do you see it? Cain had a choice. Even though he was angry he could choose to do well. Or he could choose to not do well and the sin—that was crouching at the door, ready to pounce and overtake him—could first rule him, then ruin him.
God told him, “…but you must master it.”
We have the same choice.
I chose wrong. I chose to let my emotions take over and flung a rock in hate. Thankfully, I threw it at a beat-up dresser. But, the sin was just as present as if I had slammed it upon the head of my kin.
The Cornerstone
I want to lay down the rock that rages and lay upon the Rock of Ages.
I need to be brought back—away from sinking sand and onto the Rock that is steady.
I have let my feelings determine what is true. My perspective is often skewed as I rely on it to guide my steps.
I have been out of balance more than I care to admit because I let my feelings topple me over in a heap of hormones.
I need an adjustment—to be realigned so that I can stand up straight. I have been living under the weight of heavy emotions and have neglected crucial weight-lifting exercises.
But it’s time to get into shape.
- It’s time to deal with our feelings so that they don’t run us over.
- It’s time to get a handle on our emotions instead of letting them manhandle us.
- It’s time to choose a better way so that we aren’t blinded by anger when we don’t get our way.
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” –Ephesians 4:26-27
“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” -Proverbs 14:1
When angered we can throw stones and tear down or we can lay down stones and build up. With God’s help, let’s choose to build today.
P.S. Let’s continue the conversation about dealing with our feelings over at Jolene Underwood’s place as I guest post there today.
P.P.S Linking up with Kelly Balarie for the #RaRaLinkup and Holly Barrett for #TestimonyTuesday.
Oh, Katie- I’m so with you. I’m a stone thrower, too. But isn’t God gracious to give us emotions that point to where we are believing lies, harboring anger, building walls, or carrying guilt. He wired us with emotions so that we could have signs that constantly point us to freedom and healing. Your words are so encouraging and beautifully written, friend. And these last lines grabbed me: “When angered we can throw stones and tear down or we can lay down stones and build up. With God’s help, let’s choose to build today.” Amen! Thank you!
Hi Friend! Thank you for “me too-ing” this morning. Let’s lay down our stones and lean in to His forgiveness and walk free, with a “go and sin no more” mindset. He is able to transform us from throwers to builders—so glad that He is the God of the impossible.
I really appreciate what you have shared here, Karen. Thank you for sharing. God continue to bless you richly!
What a great post! So much reality in this. I’m a stone thrower sometimes. Oh, I have to let go of my feelings to Christ. Learning here to don’t let the emotions and feeling control me.
Thanks Katie! I’m visiting you today from #TestimonyTuesday.
Hugs,
Tayrina
HI Tayrina- Happy new blog to you! Yes, praying we will submit our feelings to Christ and His Lordship—not be bullied by them or use them to bully others.
Yes, Yes, Yes, Katie! Submit our feelings to God and not be bullied by them or use them to bully others!
Hi neighbor! Words have often gotten me in trouble too. I keep a copy of Keep It Shut, close by at all times. No, actually I’ve gotten a lot better over the years due to the loving guidance of the Holy Spirit. I’m tracking with you on this post.
Thanks for your “me too” Christy. I haven’t acted this childish (regarding throwing things) in a long, long time. The depth of my emotions and weight of my quick response was wild. I was already stressed (by other self-induced things) and poor hubby’s response was my tipping point. Thankful for forgiveness and the Holy Spirit who works in us to yank out the roots of sin that go down deep.
At first, I thought, “Did she actually throw a real stone at a piece of furniture???” Then, ironically, I realized that I was throwing a stone! I was reminded of the times I actually threw real things-like phones, and whatever else was around. I don’t do too much of that now; I think menopause has mellowed me (no more mood swings!) and the season of life I’m doesn’t have much stress. I’m glad you were convicted, but didn’t stay there! Don’t be too hard on yourself.I suppose a simple conversation, such as, “I thought a loaded salad would be great, or would you prefer something heartier?” could have diffused all that. This is what I’m learning in my latter years (but no judgment, no judgment!). Thanks for sharing so transparently, Katie. I love reading your posts.
Thank you Mary. Yup, pretty embarrassing to admit how childish I acted. I don’t suppose telling you it was a fake rock and an already worn dresser helps, does it? Nope, because I sinned in my anger regardless of what was thrown. Thank you for grace and for the hope that I can mature more with age. Although my age is getting up there a bit already 🙂
Hi Katie … I love that right at the top you wrote that we have a choice. How true! We often think that unleashed anger is the only option to stuffing all our emotions inside.
The good news is that we do get to choose healthier options … like speaking the truth in love, with grace, at a time that works for both of us.
Good stuff here, girl. I do love dropping in!
;-}
Thank you Linda. Yes, truth in love and grace and sometimes I vigorously run too—to release the pent up stress. Just for the record I went grocery shopping that night and made a more hearty dinner to make up for lunch! 🙂
I am not a stone thrower BUT…I swallow them and I am not sure that is any better! The emotions swell. It is me who feels the hurt..no one else. Over the years, I have learned to talk things out rather than keep swallowing them back down.
Thanks for this reminder to keep the openness in my marriage and in other relations so that I talk and not swallow.
Hi Linda- Oh, that is good to point out the stone swallower angle. That can be damaging as well. Glad that you have learned to talk things out. Thanks for leaving this comment- so valuable!
Wow, Katie! Great post. Thanks for sharing so transparently your own struggles here. Believe me, we can all relate! I love that: we’ve got to lay down our petty rocks and lay ourselves on the Rock of Ages. Thank you for that.
Hi Betsy- How are you doing stateside? Thanks for your encouragement that I’m not alone. Didn’t necessarily want to broadcast my sin but if it helps someone else get honest with their hurts and hangups and find freedom in Christ, then it is worth it. Sending a big hug to you through the screen (okay, I didn’t just hug the screen, but you know what I mean!) 🙂
I have so been there. Marriage has taught me so much about my own capabilities for anger and frustration and bitterness! I love this reminder to deal with those feelings in positive ways by sharing them with the Lord or in more processed, positive way. Thanks for this encouragement!
Hi Lauren: You are most welcome. You might also enjoy this post about Undressing Stress: https://www.katiemreid.com/2014/08/undress-the-stress/ Happy Tuesday to you!
Aargh! I’m a door slammer and a stone thrower, too. I’ve gotten much better over the years, and trained myself to throw prayers heavenward instead of rocks at inanimate objects. But some days (especially when surrounded by surly students), I slip and spout off (I should clarify that by this I mean I react in haste with a firm, “Please sit down and just be quiet” instead of thinking about why the surly student happens to be surly–I would never put a student down) before praying–which results in frustration for everyone. My reaction to someone else’s anger makes such a huge difference in how things turn out.
Hi Anita: Throwing prayers heavenward—I like that. I very healthy response to bless in our stress. 🙂
Hi, Katie (and others :): I appreciate what Linda said about being a “stone swallower.” That’s me, though I do get physical sometimes. The swallowed stones have gone deep and still try to rise at times. For instance – I got tater tots from Hardees one morning, and the tots toppled in the bag. I grabbed some tots and just squeezed – in anger/frustration. I truly want to deal with deeper anger, and you have shed some light as to how I might do that. I just like your whole devotion here. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you for sharing Cindy. I think this anger issue is more common in women than we realize. As we get brave and share (even when it’s with shaky steps) we bring our sin to light so we can move forward in freedom.
Come throw. Some slam 🙂 Wonderful post filled with wisdom. May I begin to build today rather than tear down. Grateful to have read this today!
You are welcome Joanne. Yes, let’s build up today!
I can be a stone thrower too. Unfortunately. So I love what you have drawn out of this story…that God promises we can master it as we give each rock to Him rather than throwing them. Thanks for that lesson, Katie!
Thank you for hosting Testimony Tuesday Holly- such powerful stories over there…especially the featured post this week, wow.
So glad I hopped over to your site from the 31Days FB post this morning. I completely relate also as a “deep feeler”. Not succumbing to my passion and emotions is a daily laying down in motherhood for me. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m not proud of it, but in honesty, I have an anger story that involves a broken kitchen faucet handle:/ The hubs made me fix and install a new one. It was a humbling but a good lesson for me. On a side note: I am so glad to see another singer/songwriting in the blogosphere and on the 31Days journey. I have been writing over the past 3 years, more as a journey for my own heart, but am slowly sharing here and there. I have often wondered if there were other “average joe” moms who songwrite:) I’ll be back to listen and read. Thanks again!
HI Tawnya: Thanks for reading and commenting with your story. Good of hubs to make you fix it, and you to comply—I am sure that wasn’t easy but the lesson probably went deep (deeper than the sink. 🙂 ). I am going to come over to your place and hope to find some music. Exciting!
Hi, I’m Nannette and I keep a steady supply of rocks in my pocket. 🙁 I am a rock thrower. I am not proud of it either!! I always feel so badly and wonder “Where did that come from?” So appreciate your post and pray I can lay down those rocks and lean on the Rock of Ages. Blessings, I was your neighbor at Weekend Whispers!