Let’s give a warm welcome to my friend, Gretchen, as she sheds light on a hangup that is all too familiar to this #TightlyWoundWoman.
Wound Up and Ready to Control
Post by: Gretchen Fleming
I once saw a bumper sticker that summed me up perfectly as a woman.
Lead, follow, or get out of the way.
Without trying, I am normally a take-charge kind of person.
With the ability to lead comes the temptation to take charge, even when it isn’t my responsibility to do so.
All it takes is for me to see “life” happening contrary to my opinion and I become wound tight. I will admit it- as a woman, I am not at my best when I’m wound tight.
Usually that means I have been loaded with ample doses of fear (because let’s be honest, nothing gets us wound tighter than fear). This leaves me riled up and ready to take control of events and if necessary, people.
I think this scenario has happened countless times to women throughout the ages.
Amazingly, even to Jesus’ mother.
When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, “He is out of his mind.” Mark 3:21, NIV
At this time, Jesus was still early in His ministry (around 30 years of age), but He was already drawing big crowds which began to stir controversy with the religious leaders. Attention was drawn as He performed miracles, openly contradicted the teachers of the law, and generally behaved unlike anything they had ever seen.
Well, you can imagine who was very aware of His every choice and action- His mother Mary!
Later, it identifies in verse 31 the actual members of His family that came to take charge of Him.
Then Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him.
Any mother worth her weight knows when it’s time to step in and take charge of a child, right?! Even if He is the Son of God and 30 years old!!
No judging here because we all know what it’s like when that feeling arises. Fear begins to take control so what do we instinctively do?
We reach for control!
Oftentimes, as women, we feel the compulsion to protect and direct, even if it contradicts God’s will. If somebody’s going to get upset or warrant unwanted attention, then we feel the need to make sure that doesn’t happen.
But that just isn’t what God has called us to as women of faith.
…..for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Tim.1:7 ESV Share on XJesus was very much in the will of God as He conducted Himself. He knew God’s plan involved some harsh realities in life but He willingly accepted that, trusting His Father implicitly. Christ recognized that even when people/events seemingly swirled OUT of control, His Father was sovereignly controlling every single aspect.
Just as Christ was not controlled by fear because of His trust in God, Mary was still learning this exercise of faith….and so was I as a mom.
I don’t know another way but it seems like the perfect storm as we raise children to the age when they are ALL about freedom, but still growing into the RESPONSIBILITY of that freedom. In middle and high school, my kids had their usual share of bumps along the way, maybe even more so for two of them.
And as you can imagine, my instinctive response was to clamp down with control!
Yes, I am all about boundaries with accountability for teenagers but my need for control, due to all the fear I lived with, was unhealthy. Might I even say unbiblical?
I fretted my way through those years but I will tell you, somewhere along the way, Christ finally taught me His powerful peace in God’s sovereignty. We ended up facing some heart breaking times as parents but what came of it was the breaking of a stronghold in my life as a mom.
Like Mary, I needed to learn that my kids weren’t in need of my control because they were already under God’s control. I could trust His plan even when life seemed tumultuous. No matter how big the storm or waves, our God was bigger.
Romans 8:18, 28 became our practical hope. We just had to cling to God through faith until they became our living realities.
I can tell you today, as a mom of young adult kids in their early twenties, I am more at peace than I thought possible. No longer wound tight and quick to control, I am able to be still and know, that the mess I may see in front of me, will be used for good.
Love,
Gretchen
Gretchen’s passion is to follow hard after Jesus, knowing He is the treasure of a lifetime and worth every minute she commits to Him. God’s Word has been life-changing to her through the most trying times—a great source of strength, wisdom, and truth. She’s a speaker, writer, and Bible teacher who loves to see Jesus change lives as He’s changed hers. Gretchen is a wife of 29 years and mother of 3 young adult children.
gretchenfleming.com
Instagram – gretchenfollowinghard
Pinterest- followinghard
Be sure to subscribe by email so you don’t miss any encouragement! Just enter your address in the top right box (I’ll send you four free tracks from my Echoes of My Heart album too).
You might also like:
How Being Wound Up Affects Relationships
Now that My Kids are Taller than Me (Guest Post by Shannon Popkin)
Five Steps to Help You Undress Your Stress
This title totally cracked me up because it hits the nail on the head for me. It’s great to see you here, Gretchen. God’s been speaking to me LOUD to let go of control, let go of worry for situations beyond my control. I have a new affirmation for myself: “Today, I will let go of control and trust that God is caring for——-.”
Thanks for opening your space here, Katie. Love to you!
Wise insights, Betsy. So thankful for His grace and understanding as we learn to trust Him more and unwind further. 😉
Thank you Betsy! I’m grateful to be learning these lessons because the frantic feelings of trying to keep everything and everyone under control was exhausting! Not to mention unproductive ?? I love your new affirmative response to those trigger feelings. Words of faith indeed! ??
Oh dear… I am right there with you! But God is working deeply on me as we proceed with the purchase of a home I’ve never set foot in that happens to be in another state. So much I cannot control! Learning to lean in and trust Him with all the details! Thanks for your encouraging and confirming words! Blessings!
Hi Liz: Oh wow, that takes a big dose of letting go, doesn’t it? Praying that you are pleasantly surprised as your Good Father provides and leads on this new adventure.
Wow Liz! That’s awesome training?? Leaning in and trusting Him brings about fruit that far surpasses the most perfect house imaginable. How we benefit when we realize ALL of life is about Him- even unseen homes in another state. ?Love your perspective!
Oooph. Yeah. Tightly wound and taking control usually does have to do with fear and usually isn’t much about trusting the Lord! Thanks for the convicting points today!
I understand your pain Bethany? God has been connecting the dots for me to learn these lessons about my knee-jerk reaction to control. He traced it back to the root of fear and as a mom, the older my kids grew, the more my fear grew unfortunately. But now that I know what is driving the control, I can better address the fear as I see life veering from my approval. With conviction, comes freedom. Whew! I’m glad for that??
Thanks, Katie, for bringing Gretchen into the circle today with this “close to the bone” and more-relevant-than-I-would-like-to-admit topic. It’s always such a balancing act to find the right mix of stepping in to fill a need and being the bossy girl; providing our growing-up kids with deep roots and then standing back as they flex their wings.
Amen Michele! Standing back and keeping my mouth ?………?? What a sanctifying process for moms??
Great message! Raising a strong-willed daughter taught me much about control. She dominated my prayer time for years after college and I knew I could not rescue her from her poor choices. God was in control and today as a wife and mom, we are close and I’m very proud of her. God turned her life around because she belonged to Him. Now He uses her in ministry. He is faithful beyond my expectations.
What an encouraging testimony, thank you!
Love that! He did a work in your life even as He worked in hers. I echo that testimony. Two of my children struggled for their high school years and all I could think of was what He needed to do with them. All along He had such freedom in mind for me as I learned to rest from trying to control their choices and behavior. What a Great God we have as He works in each of us, even when we don’t realize the work that is needed.
Right on, Gretchen. Fear always makes me want to control. (And, I fall for it almost every time.) Fear highlights the elements of my lack of faith. It is much harder to stand back and trust. Very relevant message, especially for moms.
Wise words, Sheila…”fear highlights the elements of my lack of faith.” Thankful for our patience and gracious God!
Thanks Sheila! He has taught me so much about myself and how I make my own life more complicated than necessary. What grace there is in and through Him!
Gretchen, I love the bumper sticker -Lead, follow, or get out of the way. Exactly, what I am all about. I have no problem being led; I like it. I also love to lead. Where I struggle is when it seems as though no one is stepping up – I jump right in. However, if I would only wait I am sure someone would take charge.
I am sure I do this with my adult children too, and I need to stop. They may have some special needs, but they are still not in need of my control. I need to remember they are under Gods control. I think sometimes I just get in the way of him working.
Thank you for your wise words.
Blessings,
Maree
So well said Maree! I totally relate???